But the frequency of sex declines as any relationship ages, although married couples have more sex than those who are single. Not surprisingly, there is an extremely large variation in the time it takes a couple to have sex, ranging from the excessively short (about two minutes or less, which famed sex researcher Alfred Kinsey dryly noted was a “frequent source of marital conflict”) to the “Are you done yet? An astonishing 45 percent of men finish the sex act too quickly, which is to say, within Kinsey’s conflicted two minutes. Way too speedy for the average woman to be able to have an orgasm through vaginal penetration alone.
Obviously, regular access to sex makes it more likely to happen! Some couples are happy with more frequent sex, some happy with less frequent sex. At least five minutes, and more like seven, is usually what’s needed for a woman to be able to achieve orgasm.
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As a sexual health doctor, this is the number one question I hear. The number one question I’m asked about sex: how often is normal?
The average man has eleven erections every day (including partial erections).
That was also the figure in the American Sexual Behavior Study, a 2006 survey reporting that the average frequency of sex for married couples went from about once every two-three days for couples between the ages of eighteen and twenty-nine, to about twice a week for couples between 30 and 50, and less than once a week for older couples.
Couples of any age in the early phase of a love relationship tend to have a lot of sex—daily if not more frequently. There have been studies in which couples consented to be scientifically observed having sex, and one of the observers timed each session with a stopwatch to make a fairly accurate assessment about the length of the coupling.
Things like busyness, boredom, childhood trauma, stress reactions, aging and a host of other issues can lead to sexual problems.
And couples are not good at talking about this subject with each other.
Sexual difficulties can be triggered by physical, emotional or even stress problems.
Thus, getting to the root of dissatisfaction is important.
Only about one-quarter of women say they think about it that frequently.
As men and women age, each fantasize less, but men still fantasize about twice as often.
Bear in mind that people may vary from these norms.