Nor did I know about this first date, second date and third date business.
They complain about the men they call "nice guy, push-over" types, who don't stir passionate feelings. Personally, I would like to offer an alternative hypothesis—one where women have been put in a very unfulfilling double-bind.
They also have difficulty with men they label attractive "jerks", who disrespect them, ignore their needs, and break hearts. I would like to posit that cultural and biological factors have been pitted at odds, leaving women in a "no win situation" most of the time in modern life.
What we're talking about is, how do men pick out which women they are going to try for. All this may strike the sensitive, intelligent woman as superficial, even offensive. "True beauty is on the inside," women cry out from the salons of the world.
Nor am I condoning, excusing or endorsing men's methods. "Besides," I hear them say, "we women are forgiving of men's looks -- why can't men return the favour?
We will take a clear-eyed look at that question, and maybe we will find that the truth has some redeeming qualities. They don't proceed in a politically correct, enlightened way to select a woman. Evolution wants the mating process to succeed, and so it makes sure that men home in on that which will be conducive to success, regardless of how unrefined this strategy may be. "Well, it's because the genes that triggered that kind of behaviour had the best chance of survival down through the ages, until all the men who were left had those genes." In other words, an obsession with reproduction leads to a better reproductive score . Right online.) Now let us ask, what are men looking for? If you're feeling cynical, your answer may be, "Cameron Diaz." Or if you happen to look like Cameron Diaz, your equally discouraged answer may be "Kiera Knightly." But this is so wrong it is laughable. A face that strikes one man as masculine may seem feminine to another. Men -- regardless of their conscious attitude to having kids--are designed to look for good reproducers; a low waist-to-hip ratio of around .70 signifies "likely to be a success at bearing children." (Larger waists relative to the hips have been linked to lower estrogen levels, less body fat available to sustain pregnancy and lower fertility.) And in both sexes, facial beauty is associated with grace, intelligence, popularity and, in general, fitness for survival.
The first thing we need to face about men is this: they are animals. They may end up valuing her for the "right" things, the things she wants to be valued for. But no matter how strange men are, if you're a woman who wants to meet the right man, you have to clue in to how men think. Men's eyes are always wandering, seeking out that which they could and would impregnate. Shameful attraction Men are, in the first place, looking for "attractive." Now what on earth does that mean? A face that strikes Tom as sexy may look shallow to Harry. So forget about how superficial men may be and realize that they, like you, are hard-wired in mysterious ways, which may or may not be as shallow as you think.
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