I've never once been at work, capsized in a 40 degree water, watched all my co-workers die, and be like, "Hey, at least we're.... Hope it was worth it charity-bangin' that geriatric for all eternity, that'll really throw the scent off the gay trail. You did it because you're a whore, you forgot because you're stupid. They can do it in Nebraska; we don't need that horrible state. It's bad enough that I'm clearing my history every three hours and changing my passwords.

Daniel Tosh will pay dearly for insinuating Rob Dyrdek diddles 12-year-old boys -- in fact, sources close to the "Fantasy Factory" star tell TMZ, Dyrdek actually wants to FIGHT Tosh over a recent on-air pedophile jab.
In case you missed the sketch on "Tosh.0" -- the comedian dresses up like Dyrdek at a "Childish Dream Factory for Young Boys Only" ...
Freedom of speech means the right to criticize what other people are saying.
But it might not always be the best use of your time.
That can be sick, disturbing, or downright insane, but you really can’t blame Tosh.
He’s just holding up a mirror and forcing our Internet-crazed, narcissistic, self-indulgent, immoral selves to look at it.
Don't you love it when people in school are like, "I'm a bad test taker"? Oh, you struggle with that part where we find out what you know? Oh, how the masterpiece is crystal up here [points to head] , but once paint hits canvas, I develop Parkinson's. The worst day of fishing is better than the best day at work. Cuz Kobe was accused of rape, and all he had to do was settle in court for millions of dollars, change his jersey number and win a championship and that soulless town in LA couldn't be prouder.
See, because I'm a brilliant painter, minus my God-awful brushstrokes. fishin" The first thing Michael Phelps should have done when that photo came out was call Kobe Bryant's publicist. I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best.
Getting to break records before black people were allowed to play? You've caused a lot of problems in my relationship.